my captain smells of whisky

Comfortable but cramped,

I sat on the plane,

When I saw something so strange,

I had to check again.

I checked a third time,

I had to be sure,

a very sad squirrel

Just walked in the door.

His outfit was disheveled,

Like he'd just lost a fight,

He smelled of whiskey—

He’s the captain of the flight.

I did think these tickets

Were a little too cheap,

But a depressed squirrel captain,

Who's had very little sleep,

Is not a good sign

When you're about to fly.

He turned on the cabin speakers,

And we are listened to him cry.

He said that he only

Found out today

About Steve Irwin

And that damn stingray.

His family hid the news

From him since 2006,

And since the truth slipped,

He’d fallen to bits.

Steve was his hero,

He didn’t know what to do,

Now he feared for the future

Of Australia Zoo.

I decided to help him

In whatever way I can,

If Steve taught us anything,

It’s the power of one man.

I walked up to the cockpit,

I opened the door,

The squirrel was lying

Face down on the floor.

I lay down beside him,

I stroked his back as he sobbed,

I said his son runs the zoo now

And does an incredible job.

I said, I understand you’re suffering,

I know just what you mean,

I was truly Devastated

When I heard about the Queen.

And with that, he stopped crying

Like I’d broken the spell,

He said, “What’s wrong with Queen Elizabeth?

Has she become unwell?”